THERE’S A POLITICALLY INCORRECT TEACHER TAKING THIS CLASS

Each day in global class brings a scolding, threat or both from the planet’s most politically incorrect teacher.

All the naughty little schoolchildren from around the world are harshly instructed to take their punishment in silence while Teach drones on concerning their many crimes and misdemeanors.

Big China and her bro Russia tend to get the longest lectures of all, and the threat of a thorough beating for being constantly cheeky often fill the air.

The rest of the class looks on with various expressions and demeanor. Some of them hide behind their hands hoping their teacher’s focus stays on bad kids over there and not straying to them. Most of the time they sit quietly on their hands, all prim and proper, ready to repeat whatever Teach says.

Other, more daring members throw a rolled up ticket or other scrap of paper across the room while she scolds the pair in a meek sign of revolt.

Teach makes sure her starchy appearance is impeccable each day before class to intimidate the class with her disciplined air of total control.

You might be impressed. The school inspectors always are. But you should see what she gets up to after hours taking weaker members of class into the storage room for a secret beating. If there was anyone there to hear the screams and moans they would surely report them.

But the school monitors tend to be sadists and are willingly on her side... so no one gets to know except the beaten ones and few listen to their tales.

Some monitors have been known to actively help Teach in her after hours sessions. They tend to be among the senior monitors. They look the other way and help her plant chemical preparations to set her most hated pupils up for blame for using them.

These particular monitors know the drill... just point at Big China and her bro and scream, “They did it! They did it! We saw them!”

Having almost the entire class at her beck and call means Teach gets to call the shots most of the time. If she needs the school monitors to give the usual naughty pair a kicking or remove their pens, pencils and erasers for a while they are only too glad to do it.

They write the school magazine and China and Russia feature regularly as the school’s evil minions always up to no good, doing the most naughty things imaginable.

None of it is true of course... but hey, no smoke without fire, right?

As you will have detected, the school is a pretty paranoia-laden place due to all these tactics designed to manipulate her class for the most outrageously inconsistent things. One time Russia got fiercely criticized for stopping a bully hurting a quite defenseless kid and when China tried to give apples to all her family at the school gates one playtime she was told she was guilty of some school infringement.

But one or two of the brighter kids began eventually to realize something was wrong at the school when this one teacher was constantly bullying and scaring the living shit out of them.

They began asking: “Who hired this monster? Who set her on us? Who gave her authority?”

No reasonable answer was forthcoming of course, except from the monitors who simply said, “It’s just the way it is. Live with it cretins.”

So, begrudgingly they did... for a time.

However, before too much time had passed Big China had become even Bigger China, and the class started to recognize the change. Teach started to look a little nervous, circling China and poking her a little to test her strength. She began making carping complaints, making a huge issue out of virtually nothing, coming around behind her and peering critically at her notes and sneering.

At last China reached the end of her tether and could take no more. For quite some time now she had seen Russia getting more and more pissed too. He had spruced up a lot over the years as he grew more mature and she now noted some very sharp pencils poking out of his jacket pocket where his rather filthy handkerchief had been previously. They began whispering behind their hands more and more often and eventually they decided upon a plan.

So it was that they began gathering all the children Teach had abused over all those years when she had misused her position by giving them wrong and partial information then beat them for not following instructions to the letter.

In the end they became leaders in their own right and the majority in class.

Suddenly the tables were turned. She was no longer in control. They were.

Now they began to teach each other.

With each new revelation her power over them lessened. With all the new, correct data they became ever wiser. Her old tricks to confuse them and get them fighting each other began to fail to affect them. She began increasingly desperate to reassert control and frantically waved her disciplining stick in the air, vainly trying to get her authority over them back.

But it was too late.

They now knew too much.

And with this new knowledge they were able to see all the dirty tricks she had played on them since day one, all the lies she had told them and all the ways she had manipulated them to keep them confused and with only a weak grasp of the subjects they were now expert in.

On the day she recognized all this she sat at her desk as usual.

But something in her demeanor had changed.

Her face seemed to have shrunk down and instead of flushed red cheeks of anger and flashing eyes of aggression her face was white as a sheet and her eyes as dull as pale buttons. She opened her mouth from time to time but only mumbling incoherence emerged from her lips.

So it was that the entire class took her stiff old body, drained now of almost all life, and placed it on the operating table in the nurse’s room with a note asking her to tested for inner poisons recommending a period of strict quarantine.

That day and every day since then the class has learned every lesson needed together. They have worked in perfect coordination and cooperation and have not needed or missed a teacher of ANY kind, even once, ever again...